The party landed on a large floating island. In grassland stained by pigments, they found the burned ruins of an old house. Hunny knocked over the remains of the charred walls. Hoxie tripped and found a trapdoor leading to an underground cellar. Mithian cast Detect Magic and found the grounds carried the taint of divination magic.
At the base of the stairs, there was an ancient pool filled with metallic liquid. Hoxie fished into it with a broom and discovered a necklace with a pendant shaped like a cresting wave: the symbol of the cultists who had tried to drown the world.
In a ruined bookcase, Hoxie found a journal. Reading it, the party learned of an elf who conspired alongside Zeke to free the whale… by destroying the pillars of the world.
“Let’s meet him,” said Hunny. “We can tell him he’s lonely and his boardgame tastes suck! …He just needs a friend.”
“Oh, okay. An insane person, a child-beater, and a heroine addict,” said Blacksad. “What a great choice in friends.”
“Should we go see Glink and ask him who gave him the guitar?” said Rudy.
“That’s threeee daaaaays away!” said Hoxie, Hunny, and Mithian at the same time.
Blacksad shook his head. “We went to a genie’s world for six months and the world went to hell and we can’t take three days to travel back to Haysport?”
“Oh, Oh!” said Hunny. “Does the pet detective have a pigeon?”
“I got this,” said Rudy. He walked away from the party for a time.
“I don’t know, man,” said Blacksad. “Are we the bad guys? I don’t even know anymore.”
“Welll,” said Hoxie. “We broke the pillars and we killed the guardian…”
“Not to mention the mass turtle abortion.”
“If we smash the pillars, we free the whale?”
“Well,” said Mithian. “You can’t create or destroy energy. You can only change its form. So… does that not mean we could remake a pillar?”
“Then we could break them and create new ones?”
Blacksad turned to Hoxie. “If all this is true, do you know what this means? Maybe Zeke made you murder the king.”
“Nah, I was drunk.”
“Was just trying to offer you an out, but if you want to own that…”
“I guess we should stay with my parents,” muttered Hunny.
The party fell silent.
“Your parents?” said Mithian.
“Uh, yeah,” said Hunny. “They live here. Did I not mention that?”
Hunny led the party to a cozy cottage in the ruins of a fort. They were greeted by a bear-sized dog with a femur bone in its mouth.
“No sudden movements!” barked Hunny. She casually patted the dog on her way by.
At the door, they met Hunny’s father, Gregg, dressed in a leather apron that said ‘Raid the Kitchen!’
Hunny shared story of her parents’ true love. Her father had fallen for his barbarian captor after she had carried him away on a raid and kept him as a domestic worker. He had been a human anthropologist studying orc culture, so he adapted readily to his environments, though everyone thought he was a bit lame.
As Gregg cleaned Hunny’s weapons and made the party comfortable, they could hear Hunny’s mother arguing in the other room. Hunny explained that her mother was a raid consultant, so all the other barbarians came to her for advice.
They decided to ask Hunny’s mother, Mollases (Molly for short), to unite the barbarians for a great raid on Noname. Hunny knocked. An axeblade pierced the door.
“I’m working!” shouted Molly.
“Mom, it’s me!”
“Hold on, dear.”
The party heard a smashing sound. The door opened and Molly stepped out. A man lay slumped against the deck.
Molly greeted her daughter with criticisms of her life choices. After all this time, she visited her mother as the owner of the second greatest petting zoo in the barbarian world? Hunny vowed to find and destroy the other petting zoo to earn her mother’s respect.
“Hey, lady,” said Blacksad. “Do you know anything about that burned house on the plains?”
“The one that belonged to that elf lady? I burned it down.”
“Wow, wow. You are my hero,” said Hoxie. “And the ruins this house is built on?”
“Oh, I killed some robed humans and used the rubble from their homes to build mine.”
“Can you be my new mom?” said Hoxie. “You. are. my. hero.”
“Wait, wait,” said Blacksad. “Elf lady?”
“Do you think it was Lady Elise?” said Mithian. “From the court of Noname. She was an elf and she used divination magic.”
Rudy stepped out for ten minutes and returned pale-faced. “We need to go back to Haysport right now.”
“Why?” said Mithian. “Do you really think that none of us notice this going on? Where do you keep going?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I am worried about it.”
The party ate like guests, feasting on raw meat that dripped blood. They convinced Hunny’s mother to lead all of the barbarians in an epic raid on Noname. She warned them that the neighboring island was lorded over by a wizard jerk.
Blacksad wandered into Hunny’s room, which was filled by a rock-hard bed, barbells, the skulls of the other barbarian children she had bested in the third grade, someone else’s baby teeth, and her old training weapons, including her bronzed baby axe.
After spending the night and helping to humanely dispose of the man who had been knocked unconscious in Molly’s study, the party set out for the next island. They saw a bridge made of fallen logs that spanned the gap between islands.
Hunny charged ahead… only to lash out in horror with her hammer as the bridge squirmed and wiggled underfoot. Broken in half, the trees tumbled into the abyss. Rudy managed to transform into a quetzalcoatlus in time for her to rescue the sapient tree from falling into the chasm. Mithian engaged it in a philosophical discussion on the meaning of life.
Flying on Hunny’s dinosaur back, the party traveled towards a paint-stained tower. The wind howled like a child’s imitation of a ghost. The grass sighed underfoot. Even the tower itself wriggled when the landed on it. It had no door and no windows.
“What is wrong with this island?” said Blacksad.
“I’m starting to think that Hunny’s mother was right,” said Rudy. “Wizard jerk.”
Rudy knocked on the tower, causing a door to appear. He and Hoxie entered, finding that the room inside looked like a giant mouth and ribcage. The door disappeared behind them because Blacksad stabbed the wall with an arrow, causing it to scream.
Rudy lit a torch, which also screamed. He followed the stairwell down to a locked door. He knocked, claiming to be a food deliveryman. The door opened, revealing a pimple-faced teenage half-orc named Glendyn, who went by Dyn for short. The boy explained that he had used his magic to make friends of the world outside because his human friends had been brutally murdered by the barbarian across the bridge.
Rudy offered the lonely boy a spell to make a friend. In return, Dyn gave him a scroll bearing a powerful illusion spell, and he allowed the rest of the party to enter the tower.
Mesmerized by Mithian’s beauty, Dyn swore to join the Royal Order of Silly Hats. After a bit of light flirting from Mithian, he gave her his great treasure: a hole that can be used to escape into other dimensions, though he could never predict where it would end up. Mithian promised to dance with him in Haysport.
The party continued on to a barbarian camp on the next island. There, they met the leader of the Hock, Lagenar. The man encouraged them to visit the local petting zoo, which he believed was superior to the one in Quartz Peak.
Hunny punched him and stormed over to the Discount Petting Zoo, where she discovered that all the animals were just woolen skinks in knitted outfits. Blacksad tore the car-ears from the nearest skink…
“Hey!” shouted one of the barbarians. “Those people just ripped off that cat’s ears. That’s not okay.”
An angry mob formed around them.